There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
