I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
