you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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