i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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