nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
