Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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