Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
