the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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