that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I need water and some morals
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
