Define "chronic" masturbator.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize