Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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