Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
