Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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