when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wish my penis had an off switch
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
