Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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