Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
