Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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