I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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