I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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