I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
