i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
did i walk over a car last night?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
