I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
