He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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