some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
