dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
