i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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