she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
