So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
