nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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