So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
