i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
