what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
