Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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