I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
it glows. i had to have it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
