I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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