hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
