where does the pee come out of this thing
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
