Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
