I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
