The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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