her vagine was all disorganized.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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