if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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