I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
