Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
