Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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