Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
