So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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