Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
