He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just gargled with NyQuil
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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