and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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