you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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