your thong is hanging out like whoa
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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