70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
