Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
