just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
