trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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