So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
