did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
