She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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