Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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