I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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