BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
