he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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