Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
