OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
