I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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